on the 2 February 2007 i made a choice to involve myself in a life i always thought i belonged in- but was too afraid and ashamed to allow entrance to. Three years, four months and three days later i have been stripped of my comfort zone, confidence, combined ambitions and sleep.
I am afraid i am not mourning- that when the pain hits i will fall so low darkness will be my only companion. presently, i nest the hurt- reminding myself that i deserve better. i just wish i knew what i deserved. The hurt returns when i think of the part that she made me feel the butterflies, when i would fall asleep covered with kisses and be allowed to release tears so heavy they flooded our space and she held on, and never let go. Finally the space got too small and our tempers too large. Her words became rancid and my self control slowly left my body.
to walk away was the only solution. i am now physically free, my eyes can wonder, my hands may wonder and my lips explore. My heart however, for the first time in a long time is mine. In my opinion, when two women fall in love, they don't realise how much of an investment they make- unknowingly they sacrifice themselves. no matter the the period of time, a day a year or a century- their hearts are spent. a note to self- spend slowly and carefully. once you give your heart away, you never really get it back as you remembered it.
